Oh jobs.....

Well, I never thought that getting a job would be easy, but I certainly didn't think it would be this difficult. I guess throughout my life and throughout college, I never really doubted that I would graduate and then get a teaching job somewhere. Maybe that would be true if it weren't for this stinky economy. You know, it's hard to apply for hundreds of teaching jobs and then come out with nothing. It sort of feels like you're invisible and I have struggled with a lot of doubt throughout this process. I started thinking maybe I wasn't meant to be a teacher (even though I feel like I'm good at it, and it is my passion), and like I just wasn't special enough to stand out to people. Thanks to my wonderful husband standing by me and shooting down every one of these blasphemous ideas, I have a renewed confidence about the future. I think that all of those cry sessions, doubts, and just feelings of intense insecurity were just lies that the enemy was trying to put on me. I wasn't finding my true value in God. I was making myself feel like I am not a special person just because I'm trying to find a job during a very difficult time for teachers. Several schools have closed up here in Huntsville, so a lot of the jobs that were opened are going to the teachers that lost their jobs in that process, and frankly, I think they're going to people with more experience. So this next year I will be substituting.. hopefully every day. Maybe getting my name out there, meeting people in the schools, and getting more experience will be good for me, and hopefully next year I will have a better chance of getting a job and accomplishing my ultimate dream. I still wish I could be preparing for my first classroom and on Monday morning, be meeting some of my new students, but I guess it's just not my time yet. And even though I'm a little disappointed and sad about it, I guess I feel like there's a reason that this happened and maybe there's something really special planned for me this year. I will admit, I haven't been the most reliant on God throughout this process, and so now I feel like I'm starting to get back to that place where I know that He does have a special plan for me. He has taken care of me so much by giving me a wonderful husband who has a job that can support both of us. That really has been a blessing because now I can fully commit myself to substituting and trying to break into this tough education business. I'm not going to be discouraged and I am not going to give up. This is what I am meant to do with my life, and a tough start is not going to make me quit. I am not a housewife, haha. I love taking care of Spencer, the kitten, and our home, but I can't take much more of this sitting-on-the-couch-doing-nothing-all-day lifestyle. I'm ready for a new school year and the opportunities that it will bring :) So keep me in your prayers! Peace out homies!